When are you done?

Can one really be enough?

I always dreamed I’d have a big family. A whole hockey team, I used to proclaim. Ahhh how little I knew about the world of pregnancy, childbirth and parenting.

Now a mom to one wonderfully spirited little guy, I’ve been thinking a lot about whether or not I’m still on board for expanding our family. And if I’m perfectly honest with myself, I just don’t know.

Can one really be enough?

How do you know when you’re done?

How big a gap is too big a gap?

Years from now, will I regret my decision either way?

Can one really be enough?

These are just some of the many questions bouncing around my head over the last few months.

I’ve haven’t come to this place lightly. With multiple miscarriages already in my history, including my last one which was at the end of the first trimester and gave me more, extended complications, I just don’t know if I can physically or mentally handle another loss if we were to try again.

As much as I’d love for D to have a sibling to play with, grow old with when hubs and I are no longer around… there’s something appealing about him being able to have all of our focus and attention. He’ll also likely benefit more from our help financially, as we won’t be splitting things with another person.

And don’t get me started on the sleep. D is finally sleeping through the night after 2 years of frequent night wakings. (HALLELUJAH!) He’s almost weaned. (HALLELUJAH!) He’s doing more and more for himself each and every day. (HALLELUJAH!) Newborns are helpless, completely dependent, nurse like crazy and are a whole lotta work – do I really want to start over again?

Buuuuut newborns are so sweet and precious and just ooooo. Sometimes I forget what D was like, especially since I didn’t get to enjoy him much with all my post-op complications. It would be nice to have another chance to experience that period. There’s also that whole amazing thing about having your child inside of you and the connection you have, and that feeling of them moving within you is like nothing else.

Can one really be enough?

I may not have the answers to my questions, but I’m OK waiting to find them a little bit longer.

How did you know when you were done growing your family? Or do you? Tell me in the comments below.

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