Coping with sadness and anger post-delivery

I know it’s been a while since his arrival, but it’s taken me this long to finally settle into feeling ‘OK’ about my son’s delivery enough to be able to write about it.

I still don’t feel good about it. I don’t know that I ever will. Coming to terms with an experience that was so different than anything I’d wanted or imagined… and was so far from my fundamental trust and belief in nature and its processes is something I think I may struggle with for the rest of my life. Continue reading

Breastfeeding allies

Given the many documented health benefits of breastfeeding for both mum and baby, I’ve always known that I wanted to breastfeed, should I be able to.

Before having baby, I wasn’t sure that I’d be able to ‘expose’ myself in public, but after actually being in the situation of having a hungry baby in a public place, it hasn’t been an issue.

I’ve happily been able to feed our little guy in places from the doctor’s office to restaurants, malls and extended family members’ homes. Shoppers at our local mall have even come up to me and congratulated me on being able to breastfeed when they themselves weren’t able to. Having this kind of support is invaluable for new mothers.

Most recently, I had a wonderful experience at McNie’s fish and chip restaurant. As soon as our meals came, babes decides that he too was hungry. So as I was feeding him in our booth, I was secretly hoping the others in the restaurant weren’t judging me in a negative way. (It’s never happened, but I worry about these things, perhaps unnecessarily.) Continue reading

The kindness of strangers

So often throughout pregnancy, women can be met with ignorance and rudeness. This can even carry over into new-mommyhood, with glares and snide remarks from the peanut gallery about everything from the style of stroller you rock to your decisions to breastfeed or co-sleep.

Which is why, when something nice happens, it’s good to share. Not all of humanity is so careless and it’s important to remember and celebrate the good ones.

Yesterday, I took baby for a walk down to the local market cafe to sign up for a CSA box. (One of my goals this year is to eat more local, organic and seasonal foods, whose origins aren’t as sketchy as grocery store fare. And supporting local farmers is pretty awesome too!)

The farmer didn’t have enough to make us a box on the spot, which was totally fine, but then a patron kindly offered us her box as she hasn’t yet used the items from her delivery the week prior. Score! Continue reading

Thankful and hopeful

What a year it’s been! From finding out life as we knew it was going to change with the addition of a little Wilson, to actually brining him home, 2012 has been a very good year for us after the many heartbreaks of 2011.

I’m not a huge fan of resolutions; I find they’re too easily broken, but I wanted to spend some time reflecting on what was probably one of the biggest years of my life in a positive way. So, I’d like to take a bit of a retrospective and give thanks for what was and share my hopes for what’s to come.

This year, I’m thankful for: Continue reading

Hospital tour and birth education

HospitalOn Monday night, hubs and I were able to do a tour of the hospital where we’re planning on welcoming little one. I wanted to do this tour so as to better know what to expect and where we’d be going in and staying.

I was really hoping that doing the tour would help ease some of the anxiety I’d been feeling surrounding having a hospital birth, but I ended up having a panic attack in the labour room.

For as much as the hospital we’ve chosen is progressive and unlike the hospitals of the past, things still just felt so… medical. And I don’t think of birthing as an illness needing treatment. So. Continue reading

Motherless mothers

Caitlin and Jackie

my mama and I

I’ve tried not to think about it too much, but it’s one of those things that is just always in the back of your mind no matter how hard you try to quash it down.

My own impending motherhood has had me so desperately missing my own mother during this journey.

Not only am I missing out on the support and guidance from the most trusted and important woman in my life, there are some family history questions asked by mine and baby’s medical team which I just can’t answer because she’s not around and my dad can’t remember.

Sans mama, I get the sads quite a bit.

You have this vision of your life when you’re young, about how things will be when you grow up. I know I did.

My mom would be at my high school graduation. My university graduation. Celebrating my first job. My wedding. See grandchildren. Live long and die old and comfortable in her sleep.

But life is never what you expect. Continue reading

Nesting urges

NestingTime for another confession. Over the last week or so, I have had the most unrelenting and compelling urge to stockpile and hoard household essentials.

It started innocently enough. Toilet paper, toothpaste, Windex. Slowly it grew into things like laundry soap, fabric softener and pet litter. Most recently, I’ve been overcome with an urge for tiny, tiny clothes.

Husband and I had both agreed to hold off on buying any clothes for little one until after baby’s shower so we can take assessment of sizes and items we’ll actually need, versus simply stockpiling outfits he/she may not even get the chance to wear before outgrowing. While in theory I agree with him, I just couldn’t help myself yesterday and picked up two adorable little onesies – in size 3-6 months – with the hope they’ll last a bit longer than any newborn pieces. Continue reading